Bulletin

Well, courage is necessary.  After all, Chance isn't the only power in my life playing incredible games with me.  There's also the school administration.  Its jollities, however, usually take the form of a directive to the faculty or a questionnaire to be filled out.  But it's only fair to assume the teachers will also have a turn at bat, and when the day comes, I have news for the administrators.  Indeed, I have a whole bulletin for them.

BULLETIN TO THE ADMINISTRATIVE STAFF

_____ The following questionnaire is to be filled out in triplicate, using purple ink only.

_____ List in alphabetical order the number of papers filled out by the teaching staff for the present year.

_____ Using logarithms, find the tangential exponent of this number, subtract thirty, and thereby give your calculation of the number of papers you expect to have filled out next year.  Circle this total in green ink.

_____ List the number of people who have read these papers.   Students having access to them may be added to the total only if their accumulated scholastic average is B or better.

_____ Of those who have read these papers, how many have

         ___understood and profited from them?

         ___misunderstood and profited from them?

         ___considered them a meaningful experience they

             may one day profit from?

         ___used the back of them for memos?

_____ What disposition has been made of these papers?  Describe in full the position, dimensions, color, and location of all cabinets in which they are stored.

_____ What provisions have been made for keeping the accumulated papers for this year from becoming a fire hazard?  In four hundred words or more describe the precautions that could still be taken to insure these papers will survive.  Insert this statement is slot A below.

              ‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-

                        slot A

_____ What opportunities for creativity have these papers supplied for the staff?

_____ What measures have been taken to keep such creativity from becoming mere inventiveness?

_____ In the space provided, list your suggestion for further paper work.  This should be broken down into grades, departments, and subjects.

+‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑--+        

     ¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

¦                                                     ¦

+‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑-‑--+

_____ This questionnaire is to be handed in no later than one week from today.  Failure to do so may adversely affect our public relations with the local lumber mill.